Movie Projection 1: Battleship

Movie Projection: Battleship

I decided to start a segment on this blog called “Movie Projection.” When did I decide? Just now. It’s the place where I take movies I most definitely won’t see and come up with an unlikely scene, that if it were in the film I would be in the theater in a heartbeat. So without further ado, I present to you, “Battleship.”

The bitter war had begun. The fleet valiantly pushed back as the cloud of relentless enemy vessels continued their onslaught. There seemed to be no hope left for earth. One by one scraping hulls of aircraft carriers sank deep into the depths of the Atlantic Ocean. Admiral Liam Neeson stared defiantly out at the carnage from the command center aboard the U.S.S. Overkill.

“No matter the cost, men! We hold!” Suddenly the room is violent shaken. Neeson stumbled to the ground as a few men are thrown from their posts. Lieutenant Rihanna assessed the damage.

“Sir, another direct hit and we go down!” For the first time the Admiral’s frosty glare is almost interrupted by a glimmer of uncertainty.

“No matter the cost.” He muttered. Eyes burning with conviction, he gritted his teeth and barked, “we hold!” Crew members scrambled and yelled orders as fallen men are replaced at their posts. Neeson cannot hear them. His glare is relentlessly focused on the massive warship hovering above them. Nearly large enough to blot out the sun, the alien craft seemed to absorb artillery like a sponge. At the heart of the vessel a large red eye had opened up and now stared right back at Neeson. It chilled him to the bone. The color drained from the Admiral’s face and he fell to his knees.

“Admiral!” Rihanna ran to his side. He pointed up at the alien ship.

“The eye…target the eye.” Rihanna swiftly made her way back to her post and slammed down on the console. The enemy ship seemed to let out a hateful hiss as hundreds of shells converged on its glaring vulnerability. Large chunks of alien metals showered down on them revealing five glowing red eyes.

The Admiral was now right beside Rihanna. “Target the eyes with everything we got!” Throughout the ship armament was loaded, guns targeted, Liam Neeson’s eyes were squinted. “Fire!” The once invincible behemoth in the sky now lurched in pain as it was pulverized by incendiary ammunition. The rest of the enemy ships ceased their onslaught as their flagship was now a cloud of ash, then one by one they began to cloak.

“What the…” Rihanna couldn’t believe her eyes as she looked up at the empty sky, yet they were still engulfed in shadow. “This is some science fiction bull…”

On the deck of the U.S.S. Expendable, Day Player #2 stood amongst the extras and “looked puzzled” as the 2nd Assistant Director had instructed them. A red eye faintly glowed in the sky. “Hey did you see–” Suddenly the Expendable erupted into a giant fireball.

Lieutenant Taylor Kitsch ran down the narrow corridor to the command center aboard the Overkill. “Sir, the enemy fleet has cloaked above us.”

Rihanna stared up in disbelief. “How do we fight something we can’t see?”

The Admiral examined the grid before him, then looked back at Kitsch. “Options?”

“They’re not invulnerable, we know their weakness, I say we fall back and regroup. See if we can come up with a way to detect them through their heat signatures or uh..something.”

“No, we can’t fall back, we hold here at all costs.” Neeson squinted even more than we ever thought possible. Like, the wrinkles on the corner of his eyes look like they could cut the fabric of the movie screen. He stared even harder at the grid. “Launch forward missiles at B13 on the grid.”

One of the alien warbirds shuddered in and out of cloak as one of its eyes is demolished.

“Direct hit sir!” Shaky handheld camera move back to the Admiral. The audience looked on in amazement as Liam Neeson squinted even harder.

“C13.”

“Direct hit!”

“D13.”

“Miss!”

“A13”

“You sank their battleship, sir!”

“Um…F3”

“Miss!”

“G7?”

“Miss!”

Admiral Liam Neeson went on to win the war against the alien warships, wasting trillions in ammunition & taxpayer dollars in a guessing game to save mankind. Sure this would make for the dullest scene in any action movie, but if it were this loyal to the game, I’d be so there.

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